Saturday with the States
by GhostOfChernobyl
Summary: All America wanted to do was sleep in on Saturday, but nothing ever goes as planned Warning O.C States
1. Chapter 1

Oh my god yes the states, I always wanted to write with them! ^w^ Bwahahaha poor Alfy..

okay warnings: OC states, cussing and of course... A sad attempt at sports talk.

Hetalia is not mine and will NEVER be mine...

* * *

Alfred F Jones, the United States of America. The super power of the world, and the ONLY nation that could brag about how many kids he had. Fifty to be exact, and each one having a special place in his heart. Hell he loved them all more then anything else, even if they pissed him the fuck off at times.

And today was one of those days; it was Saturday morning which meant. He was SUPPOSED to be sleeping in, catching up on his alien induced video game dream. But that lovely idea of sleeping passed 6 in the morning was tossed out the window. One of Texas's Roosters had unleashed its fury the moment the sun peeked its head over the horizon. Groaning to himself he went just pulling a pillow over his head as he started counting down. Texas would be up first, followed by the Midwest teens. And that would wake up the west coast, who in retaliation would annoy the east coast into waking up.

And yup, there it was, the sound of a yeehaa that was deafening as he heard groans coming from around the house. Alfred wasn't usual one to wish ill on his kids, but he wished a pox on Texas to get a sore throat. Just leaning up as he rubbed his eyes slowly, he was so not ready for this. He had stayed up all night with California in a father to daughter super smash brother's brawl that would go down in history… And that was awesome, until she unleashed the hell that was Kirby.

His door suddenly kicked open as he held the blankets to his chest; oh fuck no… Trying to get out of bed quick enough, almost making it as something latched onto his exposed ankle. Nails digging into the sheets as he gave out a loud whimper, being pulled right off the bed.

"Texas! What did I tell you about lassoing me this early?!"

The Texan just looked over his broad shoulders as he grinned widely at the other and continued pulling. Dragging daddy down the hall and passed the others who didn't give it a second thought. "That I should only do it incase of emergencies and it is! New England's trying to cook!"

And yup, that was emergency enough. Alfred went tugging hard on the rope, causing it to snap out of Texas's hand as he pulled it free from his ankle. Rushing downstairs as he was already smelling something that was being burnt. New England no matter how hard he tried the boy had inherited England's cooking skills, and he had been banned from the kitchen. Louisiana would be throwing a fit that would unleash the states inner most French.

About ready to dive in and save the kitchen from his Childs wrath, he was too late. Louisiana was already there and was unleashing a hell storm of French. And New England, who was stubborn as a mule was yelling back at him. This was WAAAY to early for America to be hearing this.

"Your horrible cooking will be the death of us all nouvelle-Angleterre!"

"Its better then that horrible Gumbo crap you love so much!"

Now where did he hear something that sounded like this before? Oh right… England and France, goddamn those two. Canada and him were stuck with the bad blood states and provinces. He had New England and Louisiana and Canada had Quebec and British Columbia… they would often call each other in the middle of the night to seek help with their warring teens.

"Alright out! The both of you~! It's too early for me to be getting a migraine!" Alfred groaned as he pointed out the door. The two states stopped as they glared at each other and stormed out, Louisiana whispering a small apology.

Rubbing his brows some, he went just moving to the stove as he turned it off. Trying to look at what was inside the pot New England was trying to cook. How the boy managed to make HIS version of clam chowder, nobody knew… Just moving to grab his phone he went heading towered the living room. Eyeing as four teens battled over the controllers to the WiiU as he went sitting down on the couch. He didn't know what they were going to play, but it would be interesting.

California getting the first controller, Washington the next, Alaska oddly getting three and New York with the other. And soon a game of 'beat the ever loving shit out of each other without daddy getting pissed off' commenced. Alfred just smirked some as he watched, hearing curses and threats and the faint kols of Alaska… yup, kid took after the Russian TOO much.

It was amusing to watch and he would have loved to join, but the kids needed their bonding time… and the other controller was still half way through the wall after Montana had lost to Oregon. Distracting himself from the teens for a minute he went calling up his boss, needing him to explain a few things about that new bill he passed.

"Come on! Fuck you and your Kirby!"

"You just jealous cause you didn't get the bubblegum vacuum~"

"….you only like it cause it sucks like you do."

Washington and New York started laughing loudly as California snarled at them and with two smacks of a large fan; Kirby had sent Link and Mario flying off the screen. The two boys instantly stopped as they pounced on her, attempting to rip the controller from her hands. Alaska just hummed as he continued playing while the others were distracted, only after a few seconds did he look over at America and loudly enough said.

"Oh lookie, it seems like I just won~"

The three of them stopped instantly, the teens were on the floor in a messy tangle of limbs. California on her back with New York straddling her. Washington standing above trying to grab at the controller she held to her chest. But before they could say anything, they regretted playing this game.

"The hell are you doing?"

Alfred had glanced over from his phone as he looked at them, with wide eyes. Alaska just giggled some as he went playing with the end of his scarf. The states instantly went moving to run out of the room, all three faces completely red. America groaned as he rubbed at his temples, why were his kids so weird? Goddamn hormonal Teenagers…

"Alfred?"

Shit, he was still on the phone! "yeah sorry I'm here!" he yelled back as he went trying to get the president back to what he was talking about and avoid the whole awkwardness of looking up just a bit to soon.

* * *

Breakfast had went by well, North and south Dakota having decided to make it. Sitting at the large table that could hold 51 people, Alfred just eyed them. They were going to town on the sausage and gravy North Dakota had made. The freshly baked buns still so soft and warm were being demolished by the states quickly. A small smile came to his face as he watched his kids eat; hearty appetites meant strong growing kids.

"And then the giant moth attacked poor Mr. Flops!"

"You don't say Wyoming?"

"Yeah! And then Nevada came in and started playing strip poker with it!"

"Why the hell am I in your dreams?!"

The states started bickering over Wyoming's dream as Alfred sipped at some coffee. Mildly catching the conversation the states were having with each other. Some were about dreams; other was about what they wanted to do today. And he went ignoring a few that went into politics. He was NOT doing politics' on a Saturday morning….

"Hey dad don't you agree?!"

Alfred looked over at Kansas who was still in his flannel pajamas and grinning widely. What was the boy talking about now? Alfred just went taking another sip off his coffee as he shrugged some.

"Yeah sure no problem..."

And Kansas grinned as Nebraska and Colorado fist pumped the air. Alfred raised a brow as he gazed over at Alaska who was just smiling happily to himself. Dear god, what did he just agree too? Damn his short attention span and not thinking before he answered.

The states scattered as a few stayed behind to do the dishes. Alaska just went moving to Alfred as he went tilting his head some as his hands moved behind his back. Alfred was sure all this kid needed was a pipe and a 'become one complex' and he could easily replace Russia.

"What is it Alaska? I'm about to go take a shower..."

"You shouldn't take one yet, you'll just get dirty again~"

"…WHY?"

"Didn't you agree to go muddin*?"

And Alfred groaned as he face palmed with two hands. Dear god, that's what Kansas wanted of him? Sighing to himself he went moving past the large child rubbing his head. Alaska nuzzled into his hand some as he watched the other quickly leave off, just moving to go and bother Hawaii.

* * *

The next two hours were fun to say the least, two dirt bikes, a dome buggy, and three ATV's had been utterly destroyed. But hell, it was a blast and Alfred regretted nothing… Except for maybe killing one of Washington's trees in the process but eh…

Walking inside the house with the three boys completely covered in mud and grime had earned a banshee screech from Massachusetts… the nagging, oh dear god the nagging…. Its worse then England's cause the kid could go on for days and day's… not that Alfred ever tempted to test out that theory last year during an epic football outside in the pouring rain…

Forced to go shower off in the backyard with the hose, Alfred lead the march. Leading the boys in a single straight line he grabbed the hose and turned it on, spraying each one down well enough so Massachusetts couldn't complain.

"Okay you're all done, go on." He said letting them go in as he went to go put the hose away and sighed deeply. Wonder if he was lucky enough he could manage to sneak in a quick nap before lunch...

* * *

"Okay, fuck you and your goddamn piece of shit ass Patriots!"

"Your just mad cause I won the super bowl~"

"Yeah, whose the smart one who decided to throw the ball when you were THAT close?"

"It was stupid, I don't even have a football team and I think it's stupid…"

"Alaska, I will END you~"

Washington just glared over at the other states as he threw his hands up and stormed off passed Alfred. The man blinked as he gazed at the teenagers with a raised brow as they giggled back at him.

"He's mad cause his team lost~" Alaska said playing with the end of his scarf.

"Okay, okay, cut him some slack… they still did well." Alfred said crossing his arms some.

"Yeah… but I STILL WON~" New England purred as he went holding his head up high

"…yeah but your cooking still sucks Nouvelle-angleterre!"

"Bloody wanker! Fuck you!"

"…why do all my kids cuss?" Alfred whined. "It's not like I cuss… all that much…"

"….You should hear yourself when you don't get any burgers dad." New York grumbled. "Your worse then England…"

America gasped as he held his chest, feigning he was hurt as he gave the boy puppy dog eyes. New York frowned as he tried his hardest to not cave in, but fuck... Those damn baby blues! He ran over to hug him quickly as he whined.

"I didn't mean it! You don't cuss at all! You're an angel~!" Alfred grinned as he hugged him tightly, nuzzling his cheek against the others.

"Damn straight I am! HAHAHA!"

* * *

Muddin: using a form of vehicle over fresh mud and having a blast... (or so i been told off squid billy's )


	2. Chapter 2

It was barely around two and Alfred had decided this day was going to be his. There was no kids in the living room which meant, if he was LUCKY… He could take control of the TV and launch himself into a marathon of 'Dr. Who' goddamn England getting him addicted to that crap.

Inching his way over to the living room, like the stealthy ninja assassin that he is… or at least pretends to be when he's alone. He barrel rolled towered the couch and leaped onto it. trying to fish around the couch cushions as he frowned and gazed at the TV.

Narrowing his eyes some as he went leaning back on the couch, trying to lift up his hips onto the table as he tried as hard as he possibly could to turn the T.V on with his toe. Tongue sticking out of his mouth some as he wiggled his big toe trying to reach it and groaned. Why didn't he have freakishly long legs like that commie basterd?!

Letting out a whimper of defeat he just laid there. Unable to find his remote and didn't want to get up and turn it on. He just gazed up at the ceiling some before he blinked. WAIT! He had kids! Grinning at how smart he was he went positioning himself back up right as he debated on who would be around at this time.

"Minnesota!"

He waited patiently for a whole FIVE seconds before he called out the states name again. Waiting a bit before he heard a sigh as he peeked over the couch to see the state. Arms crossed looking annoyed as he was chewing on a piece of gum.

"what is it dad?" he asked eyeing the other then at the TV as he frowned suddenly.

"Turn the TV on for me please?"

"…REALLY dad? Couldn't you have just used the remote?"

"But I cant find it!"

"or turn it on yourself?"

"…MY precious baby boy who I raised since he was still in diapers~"

Minnesota cringed as the other said that as he rolled his eyes and went to go turn on the TV. flipping through channels to try and find one that Alfred liked. which took about ten minutes considering Alfred was a TV addict and wanted his Dr who.. but got distracted when a marathon of 'America's cutest cats' was on...

"oh my god look!" he gasped as he pulled the boy down to him and pointed at the screen. "that ones so fluffy! doesn't it remind you of Americat?!"

"err... Fluffy?"

"yes, yes my sweet precious baby! ...Where is he anyway?" he blinked suddenly remembering he hadn't seen the poor thing all day

"last time I checked, Alaska had him... "

almost as if on cue a loud mew filled the house before the cat came running into the room. High tailing it to the large cat scratcher in the corner of the living room and climbing to the very top as its tail was fluffed out... but that wasn't the oddest thing. the cat was wearing a long pink very familiar looking...

"why does my cat look like Russia?!"

Alaska went coming into the room as he was holding up small paw sized mittens as he looked over at America and blinked. as if it seemed like an odd question as he went trying to fetch the cat down from its ceiling high eagles nest.

"its my turn for fluffy to come over, and I don't want him to freeze.. my winters get pretty cold dad, its why you hardly visit over there..."

"but he's completely covered in fur."

"meow!"

all three looked up as fluffy went swaying his tail and gave a heroic leap off the post, the scarf flying behind him dramatically as he landed.. paws first... right into Alfred's crotch making the nation cry out as he curled up instantly... and some where in the house a certain state suddenly whined.

"what the fuck?!"

* * *

He didn't know how it happened, or why he was involved in this... and feeling less then manly at the moment as he just pouted.. there he was, Alfred F Jones.. the super power of the world. Mr. badass incarnate who would punch your face in for insulting his football...

Was in a dress... A very pink sparkly princess dress. One that was SOME HOW perfectly sized up to fit him perfectly. sitting down at a small little kiddy table with a cup of imaginary tea.. Surrounded by three of his daughters. Maine, Rhode island and Hawaii. the girls were giggling happily amongst themselves as Alfred eyed the pink Disney princess cup he had.

Damn it, they even gave him Sleeping beauty, she was the most unheroic one of them all! he would have preferred repunzel, or even mulan! but that one was up to debate since he always considered her non princess but 'badass chick who could take names and fuck a bitch up'.

"daddy! you have to hold your pinky out when you drink tea!" Hawaii pouted staring up at him.

"I'm imagining its coffee..."

"imagine its tea or so help me, I will call up England!" Maine hissed

America whined as he extended his pinky out and took a small sip off the tea cup. Maine always had to be an English lover, he blamed that limey for it... he always came over and dotted on her.. he knew the basterd was only caring so she would give him discounts on seafood... he should leave a stinky fish right in England's back seat.

"Maine, I would like to borrow a fish-"

"we should put make up on daddy!" Hawaii squeaked as Rhode island went shaking her head.

"nah, daddy's to ugly for make up..."

Why did his daughters have to be so cruel to him? he gave them love, and affection.. and he was called ugly. hell he could pull off make up if he wanted too. well he could pull it off better then France could anyway.

"but daddy would look nice with lipstick! Even heard New Jersey say so!"

"...Don't listen to New jersey... he hasn't been the same since that one television show..."

the girls quieted and nodded in understanding, One does not bring up that television Series, it opened up a can of worms for new Jersey. Alfred just took a fake sip off his tea as he went slapping a hand on his cheek gasping.

"I'm out of tea! oh my goodness gravy. I need to go make more!" he said moving to get up, trying to make the great escape. if he wasn't wearing the puffiest and frilliest damn princess dress he ever had the misfortune of being stuffed in.

"we got a WHOLE pot here!" Rhode island giggled as her eyes narrowed, knowing he wanted to leave.

"err yeah but you know we need fresh tea... and I think England left some when he was here last time."

"I thought you tossed that tea in the toilet while Massachusetts was clapping his hands giggling like an insane person?"

the man frowned and hanged his head in defeat as he went sitting back down, just glaring at the table. He was going to kill china for making this tea set.. and he was going to drown England in coffee...

* * *

His great escaped coasted one state his manhood, New York would greatly be remembered... As Princess New York of lacey frilly dresshood~

Alfred had ditched the state with the girls as he ran outside and hid in the shed. Yes his lovely, lovely shed, one where he could forget all his troubles... Unless there was a certain capital in there that was doing the same thing...

"woman, what are you doing in my shed?" Alfred hissed as the identical doppelganger with boobs rolled her eyes.

"I'm hiding from Wisconsin..."

She went fixing the her hair some as her cowlick stood up with a faint limp, making Alfred narrow his eyes. only they both shared that interesting trait and Alfred know when she was hiding something from him..

"what did you do?"

before she could even answer, the door swung open and there stood Wisconsin. holding up a plate in his hand that held something orange on... oh dear god. Alfred paled as Washington D.C pushed him and made a run for it. Sacrifice the nation for the sake of the capital. that was her motto~

"come on W.D.C! don't be such a weenie!" Wisconsin glared as his eyes landed on Alfred as he held up the plate towered his nose. "try it dad! I know damn well its allot better then that crap France makes!" his chest puffed out in pride

All of America's senses went straight to hell as the assault of the smelly cheese had hit his nose. whimpering as he covered it up just eyeing the other as he bit his lip. it was vile, it smelled of Francis sweaty armpits mixed with a dose of Prussia's three day old dirty socks.. and just for kicks, a splash of vomit from England's cooking.

"I'm uhhh.. sure it is.. but you know... I just ate!"

the state narrowed his eyes and took another step, cornering the nation to the shed as he held the plate closer. eyes turning to slits as his upper lip curled into a mean smirk. Alfred was always hungry, he would never turn down a free meal.. He would even eat England's cooking if he was hungry enough.

"Try it, please daddy~"

Alfred whimpered as he went gulping, he was going to hate this.. his hand moving over as he went slowly picking up a small piece of toast as he scooped the stinky cheese up. bringing it up to his mouth as Wisconsin was looking eager, ready to hear words of praise and delight as Alfred took it in his mouth and paled.

Wisconsin would remember this day well... stinky cheese going down smelled twice as worse when it came back up...


End file.
